This is absolutely the most personal post I’ve ever written here on Real Housemoms. I’m not a person to open up easy. I’ve been blogging for nearly two years. I really love my audience and have been blessed to get to know some amazing women through my experiences. I am so lucky to have some seriously amazing followers on Facebook. They have really responded to my recipes with kindness. They’ve shared them with their friends and family, liked them and even left comments with their approval. Being a blogger and having a larger online presence, I know that I’m a larger target for internet trolling and I’ve absolutely had my fair share. I’ve learned from my amazing husband to see it, not as a personal attack, but as the silliness that it is. I once had someone upset because they felt that one of my recipes was offensive to Leprechauns. 🙂
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Recently, I shared my recipe for Green Goddess Dip on Facebook. As is my routine, I was looking at the comments people were leaving when I came across these two comments, and realized I was being fat shamed. One of the comments actually said “that’s why you’re fat.”
I was in disbelief that a grown adult would say this to anyone, let alone a complete stranger, so I looked at his profile on Facebook and it looks like he is in fact an adult, in age if nothing else. My first inclination was to delete his comment because I felt embarrassed. Then I remembered a quote from Eleanor Roosevelt I heard somewhere growing up, and it’s always stuck with me. “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” I’ve always thought about this when someone has said or done something to me that hurt my feelings. To me, it means that no one can hurt me unless I give them the power to do so. I have to hold my actions up to my own scrutiny, not anyone else’s, especially not a stranger’s. This post is me taking back the power this stranger tried to take from me, to compensate for his own insecurities.
There are a lot of articles and blog posts online now about negative body image and the role that media and society plays in that. There’s the #nomakeupselfie campaign, those deciding to take a stand against Photoshop, and still others putting an end to “fat talk.” All are geared to get people to start loving who they are and put an emphasis on real beauty. I’m so excited to live in a time when so many positive messages are coming out.
I have absolutely been guilty of “fat talk” I would say I’m too fat for this or that, or tell myself every time I looked in the mirror I was fat. What did this accomplish? It made me unhappy and uncomfortable in my own skin. It didn’t motivate me to lose weight or get healthy, it just made me sad.
So I stopped, and I feel so happy now. I started thinking about how I look at other people, and I realized that I was so much nicer to other people than I was to myself. I don’t judge my friends based on their weight or how they look in their clothes. I’m more concerned with how amazing they are, how they treat other people, whether they’re positive or negative. Some of the best people I know are overweight but everyone of them is beautiful and amazing and talented! They have kind hearts, treat people with love and understanding and have been there for their friends, family and strangers. I decided to only judge myself the same way.
When I look in a mirror at myself, literally or figuratively, I know that I’m a great wife and mother, not because I’m perfect, but because I work hard to get better everyday. I’m a strong person and I work hard to make sure that I’m a good example of what it means to be a strong woman for my two little boys. The fact is that my boys are going to grow up and find girls that remind them of me. I want to make sure that those girls are people that will treat them well and be a good partner and friend for them. I also want them to grow up knowing that the true value and beauty of a woman isn’t in the gap between her thighs, the size of her waist or the flatness of her stomach. The true beauty is in the way that she cares for others and herself. It’s found in her uniqueness and in her ability to enjoy life, to find the happiness and love all around her and to be a source of kindness for those in her life, while knowing her own worth.
This post is me taking back my power. It’s mine, I worked hard to find it and I’m not letting anyone take it away from me. I’m so much more than my waist size and I’m proud of who I am and I love myself just the way I am. I’m a #GIRLBOSS and that’s all there is to it. 🙂
This is a great song and video from Colbie Callait. It is just another example of the positive message being shared now. I found it for the first time as I wrote this post and just HAD to include it. 🙂
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